Illumi's apartment
by BlackWolfofFire
Summary: Random HxH drabble EACH chapter seperate drabble, mostly Illumi themed. Warnings:Yaoi. If you don't like yaoi, don't flame me for writing it. Please read and review! Chap. 5 UP! Illu's safety letter!
1. Illumi's apartment

Summary: What happens when Illumi finds Hisoka it his aparment? Sorry, I suck at summaries. Rated T-MA for adult content and laguage.

Warnings: 1 sided yaoi HisoxIllu, it's supposed to be aimed for humor, but I probably failed. Sorry for possible ooc, I tried to keep it to a minimum.

Disclaimer: I do not own HunterxHunter, if I did, I would know what gender Kurapika is and make Illumi appear more.

* * *

A raven haired man leaned against the wall of a 5 star elevator, massaging his temples. He had a headache. Again. The people he had to deal with! Politians giving him repetitive lectures, incompetent rich people trying to dispose of their enemies, head-guard-men treating him as if he was a trainee, first day on the job, the list goes on and on. But, it was easy, most of the time, and he usually got a large profit from the job. 

The golden doors slid open, revealing a red carpeted, golden walled, palace like hallway. Illumi stepped out of the elevator and headed toward the end of the hall. He turned to face a golden trimmed door with a small numbered pad on the wall next to it. He typed in a 5 digit code, slim, pale finger working quickly. He stepped in, only to have his headache worsened by a loud shout.

"Illu-kun! Welcome home, I've been waiting for so long!"

Illumi opened his eyes, only to see an array of bright colored clothes. He blinked a couple of times, to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. We he was assured they weren't, he managed to respond.

"Hisoka, how'd you get into my apartment? More over, why?" Illumi asked

"A true magician never reveals his secrets." Hisoka said, coyly

Illumi closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, the last thing he need was an insane magician running around.

Eyes still closed, Illumi commanded, "Hisoka, leave. Now."

Hisoka blinked several times, pretending not to comprehend what the assassin was saying. "You mean you don't want to be with me Illumi-kun?" he took on a mildly sad tone

"No. No I don't even want to look at you. Get out. Now. I'm serious." Illumi was finding keeping his emotionless poker face expression now. Usually it took more than this to annoy him. Of course, this was Hisoka, and he had had a rough day.

"But, than where am I going to stay tonight. Besides, what will you do if I don't leave?" Hisoka was taking much pleasure in irritating his raven haired ally

Illumi held three pins in his slender hands, ready to throw at any moment. "Goodbye, Hisoka." He stated simply.

Hisoka became more cautious, but still refused to leave. "No." Hisoka smiled

Illumi tossed the first pin. Hisoka immediately jumped out of the way, letting the pin miss only by a centimeter. Hisoka sighed and returned to his seat on the black leather couch.

The second pin was thrown, this time pinning his sleeve to the couch.

"Trust me, the third won't miss." Stated Illumi coldly

"Only one way to find out…" Hisoka dared

"If you insist." And with expert precision he threw the final pin.

Hisoka realized he couldn't dodge this one. He jerked his head down and, amazingly, caught the pin in his teeth. The magician dropped it and sighed, still staying firmly planted on the couch.

_Fine, I'll guess I'll have to resort to more drastic measures._

The assassin moved slowly to the couch and sat, tossing his long hair over his shoulder, smiling. "Fine, if you want to stay that badly," Illumi whispered, showing a sudden change in attitude, "I'll just have to put up with you." His lips where right next to Hisoka's ear now.

This was unexpected. Illumi had done two things that weren't part of his little game,

Illumi had given in to Hisoka's request.

Illumi was flirting shamelessly with him! Illumi! Flirting! With Hisoka!

Hisoka new Illumi was up to something, but he was enjoying the way Illumi was acting, so decided to play along. He giggled.

"What's so funny, Hisoka?" Illumi asked coyly

"Nothing. But call me Hiso-kun from now on, ok?" Hisoka smiled

Illumi mentally gagged. He'd have to finish this before he got sick.

"Of course, Hiso-kun." Illumi ran his tongue over his thin lips

He grabbed Hisoka's shirt and stood up, pulling the clown uniform clad man up with him.

"Illu-kun…" Hisoka murmured

Illumi put a pale finger on top of Hisoka's lips, telling him not to talk, and slowly drove him to the nearest wall.

To any onlooker, it would look something like this. A raven haired man with black and purple clothing pinning a man with a clown's outfit on to the wall, with a smile that didn't reach his emotionless eyes. The man with the clown outfit looked rather happy. If you looked at the wall he was pressed against, you would notice a small bulge, it was a door handle. Of course, the clown didn't notice, to pre-occupied with the black haired man's actions.

Slowly, the assassin moved his hand down to the small bulge in the wall, while his other hand worked it way on to Hisoka's chest.

"Oh, Illu-kun, I never knew you felt this way." Hisoka looked happily evil.

"Guess what?" Illumi's breath mingled with Hisoka's now

"What?"

"I don't." The assassin pushed open the door and thrust Hisoka into the hallway outside.

Before Hisoka could respond, Illumi slammed the door and locked it, reinforcing it with his nen.

* * *

Blackwolf: Well, that's pretty much it. I'll probably forget about this in about a week, so if you want more you have to review. PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! If I missed any grammer/spelling, I'll try to fix it. Again, PLEASE REVIEW. 


	2. Poems IlluxHiso

**Disclaimer: I do not own hxh, for if I did, I would be a very happy person and not ever leave my house. (I also do not own Tim Burtons "Voodo Girl") **

**

* * *

Pin Boy**

His skin was pale and his eyes were dark.

He had pins sticking out from his cold, unused heart.

He had many people under his spell,

Who wanted to be with him, and wished him well.

But he pushed them all away, deepening his hell

For if he let anyone get to close,

Even those who he loved most,

The pins would be pushed deeper into his heart

Slowly and painfully ripping him apart.

* * *

**Illumi's ode to Hisoka**

I thought I was alone

With no one to hold

Until found you

Out in the cold

Yet,

Despite all your pain

You still managed to smile

And laugh

I thought you were crazy

For not being sad

For being social

And kind

You made me want to laugh too

Smile too

I wanted to be with you

I wanted to be near you

Because you made me smile

And I felt like I could live

And I could be happy too

You saved me

From MY cold

Thank you, Hisoka

* * *

**Opposites attract **

You're too crazy

_You're to sane_

You're to care free

_You're to tense_

You're to tacky

_You're to tasteful_

You're to vulgar

_You're to polite_

You're to rebellious

_You're to obedient_

But

_But_

I love you anyway,

_I love you anyway,_

Hisoka

_Illumi

* * *

_

_A/N:_Hey, hoped you like this bit of poetry written at 2 am. I'm not much of a poet, but I thought of pin boy when I was reading the poem "Voodo girl" by Tim Burton, and I just HAD to make an Illumi one. Oh, and if you couldn't tell, in "Oppisites attract, Hisoka is speaking when its _written like this_ and Illumi is speaking when it's written normaly, like this. (They're speaking at the same time, btw). So, I'll update when I get around to it. OH! BTW, REVIEW!


	3. Illumi's fear

He trembled. Eyes shut tight and lips pressed together in attempts to suppress a scream, Illumi Zoaldyeck looked almost funny. He let out a whimper. He'd seen many frightening things before, many of which would have made the worlds bravest man award winner scream. But this, this was too much for even him.

Hesitantly, he peeked out of one eye. "EEP!" He squealed and slammed his eye shut again

"Go away, go away, GO AWAY!" the black haired….man silently screamed.

It was perfect timing too. He had just completed a job, and suspected security would be on him soon. Illumi had just about escaped when IT had appeared. There where only two things in the world he was afraid of. One of which he had since childhood, and one he had just acquired recently.

Illumi heard some yelling in a random hallway, probably somewhere above him.

"Shit!" he cursed.

IT had backed him up into a corner, and was now almost to overcome by fear to move. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

_You can do this, Illumi. Just throw the pin, and it'll be dead. BUT WHAT IF I MISS! IT MIGHT COME CLOSER! No, I won't miss, I'll kill it. Just like I kill everything else._ He argued with himself for a few more seconds finally deciding he no other choice but to try to kill IT.

He readied the silver pin in his hand and sighed once. He threw it.

"GAH! I knew it! I knew it! IT is closer now!" Illumi trembled.

He figured he must have been shaking and the pin got thrown of target, just barely, but IT was fast at dodging.

Illumi listened for the guards again, not taking his hesitant gaze of IT.

"He must be down stairs!" one called

"Everybody down there no…" The voice stopped mid sentence

"What the…. What happ… AAGH!" The first voice screamed

Illumi momentarily forgot about IT and raised an eyebrow? WHAT was going ON up there?

He heard several screams. And then… silence. Dead silence.

IT inched closer to Illumi; breaking him from his trance and making him let out a small "yip".

He heard footsteps heading down the stairs.

"Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. DAMN!" he cursed

The footsteps where getting closer to him. Closer. Closer. Closer. Illumi was about to come face to face with whatever guard the steps belonged to and…

"HISOKA!" Illumi asked/YELLED, when the owner of the footsteps appeared.

Yah that was definitely Hisoka. Unless YOU know someone else who had bright blue hair, clown makeup, and clothes that looked like he was raised by carnies.

His eyes returned to IT.

"Meep!" the assassin screamed

"Illu-chan? What are you doing here?" Hisoka grinned and cocked his head to the side.

Illumi ignored Hisoka's question and tried to back up against the wall a little more.

"Hm? What has Illu-chan so scared?" Hisoka looked around the room, finally landing with a quizzical look on Illumi.

"Tha-tha-that!" Illumi pointed to a spot on the floor in front of him

"What? But nothings there." The magician glanced at Illumi and then at the spot on the floor again.

"HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE IT! IT'S HUGE!" He yelled

Hisoka bent down lower to the floor, glaring at it.

"Illu-chan I still don't see anyth…" Hisoka stopped at the sudden grip around his arm.

It seemed as Illumi had had all that he could.

"KILLITKILLITKILLITKILLIT! Hisokaaa!" he screeched/whined, hugging Hiso-Hiso's arm.

Hisoka blinked, making sure he wasn't dreaming. Obviously, something had Illumi REALLY freaked. I mean, he was TOUCHING Hisoka. A feat crazy enough not usually made by ANYONE, no less ILLUMI!

Hisoka glared at the floor. He finally saw something.

"You mean THIS?" Hisoka asked.

"Mm-Hm" Illumi nodded, shuddering

Hisoka brought his finger down on the carpet. "There, it's dead," he grinned, "Is Illu-chan all better now?" he put on a falsely concerned tone

Illumi glanced at the carpet and immediately took a big step away from Hisoka, regaining his stoic look.

"That never happened, got it Hisoka?" Illumi glared

"OF COURSE IT HAPPENED! I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL EVERYONE! ILLU-CHAN IS A armpemhope." The last word was muffled my Illumi's hand.

"Hisoka, if you tell anyone that you know," he looked uneasy, "I swear I'll kill you!" he whispered

"What?" Hisoka looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh

Illumi glared, "That I have…," he lowered his tone so only Hisoka could hear, "arachnophobia." He whispered

"Don't worry, Illu-chan. You're secret fear is safe with me!" he giggled

With that, the two left, one failing to stifle giggles, and the other blushing, leaving behind a the miniscule corpse of a dead spider behind.

-

A/N: I snuck an inside joke in their the thepioden and angelofelements may get.

When hisoka says armpemhope, that's supposed to be the muffled version of arachnophobe.

Please review!

This was not ALL my idea, the orginal "Illumi is afraid of spiders" thing was inspired by a caffinated session of anime talk whith someone else.


	4. Diary of Hisoka get it? Diary of Jane?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hunter Hunter (sadly, Togashi wouldn't sell me the rights to it )

A.N- I just picked a random date for the entry, feel free to change it in your mind while reading if you want.

* * *

Illumi was laying on Hisoka's bed, waiting for the man to return. He was bored, and had read every book he had found. Twice.

He rolled over on his side and stared at the bedside table for a while. He then noticed something ratty laying on it.

Crawling over to see what it was reveled it was a book. A very dirty, used book, with something shiny on the side. Further examination reveiled it to be lock.

The assassin looked at the cover; the faint words of _Journal _were scrolled on it in large, fancy letters.

_Well, this looks interesting… _thought Illumi.

He expertly picked the lock and flipped through the pages seeing various things like "Met a new friend today…" and "I love the new group I'm in, especially the leader!"

He stopped on the most recent entry, from a few days ago. It read

_12/03/06_

_Today I thought. I thought about a lot of things, like Illumi, and Machi (of course) _

Illumi stopped reading and shuddered at this. How much did this freakin' clown think about him and the blue haired chick, anyway?

"'ing pervert." Muttered the assassin, but kept on reading

_, and Gon and Killua, too. I thought about my Heavens Arena fight I had today. I thought about my dinner. However, among all these things, I thought about me._

_Like, does anybody CARE for me? I mean, really care. You know, someone who would aid me when I am sick, or comfort me when I'm sad, a hug me when I'm alone._

What did that mean? Hisoka could care for himself, and never appeared sad… to him, at least.

_My answer? No. No one cares about me. No one gives a damn that I grew up starving, or had no parents. Some people respect me, yeah, but that doesn't mean they care._

Illumi never knew that. Hisoka never talked about it. Illumi stared at the lines of writing for a few seconds. He felt a pang in his chest.

Was he feeling SORRY for Hisoka? No, he couldn't be, but yet…

_Take Gon, for instance, he respects me, and almost looks up to me as a rival, but he doesn't care._

_I'm not just a machine, like some people think. I would like a friend. A REAL friend, not like Illumi. I don't think he even LIKES me, let alone considers me a friend. God knows I like him, though. I like him A LOT. I don't think he really KNOWS, though. I wish he would treat me well sometime. Why is he always so cold? So cruel? I sound like a schoolgirl, I know, but is that really MY fault, he's the one who's so damn…seductive, right? He's Intelligent, beautiful, mysterious, professional… intoxicating. Oh, schoolgirl again, right?_

"WHAT?" a movement occurred on the stoic face. _Hisoka… thinks I'm… seductive? _

"I knew he liked me, but never that much. Moreover, what does he mean "cold" and "cruel? I'm not that bad to him, am I?"

_I haven't told anybody that I would like my own little pity party sometime. It would be nice if they realized that on their own. Well, that's all for now. Ja Ne… to myself. Alone again._

"Hisoka… I never…" Illumi whispered.

He couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy. It was unlike him to feel anything at all, let alone pity. And for HISOKA even. Maybe it was because of the long time they had known each other. Maybe Hisoka was getting to him. Maybe Killua had started rubbing off on his older brother about the whole "friend" thing. Illumi didn't know. All he knew was that he DIDN'T LIKE THIS FEELING, the feeling he had to do something, the feeling he had to help.

Illumi closed the raggedy diary, relocked it, and set it back on the bedside table. It looked like it had never moved. He sighed. Well, now he HAD to do something.

-----------------------------------------------Later that day-------------------------------------------------

Their was a knock on the magicians door.

"Coming!" he sung happily. _Finally, a visitor, I was getting kinda' bored._ He swung open the door, smiling.

"Hello, Hisoka."

The voice was stoic, cold, and distant. Hisoka smiled widely at the tone.

"Illumi! Come in! What brings you here?"

It was very odd that his "raven haired doll" came to his house, so Hisoka was genuinely curious. He WANTED to know.

Illumi walked in. He gulped and looked up. "Hey, Hisoka," he paused

"Yes, Illu-kun?"

"Would you… um … like to…" He looked down _God danmit! Why was this so hard? Why was he so nervous? And why did his face feel so hot?_

"Would I like to what?" The magician raised an eyebrow

The assassin took a deep breath, "Would you like to… go out to dinner with me?"

Hisoka eyes widened. Illumi could feel his face flush. DAMNIT! He was an assassin, he didn't get embarrassed, and he wasn't supposed to behave like a twelve-year-old girl asking out her crush! He looked up.

"Yes," he stated more confidently, "would you like to go out to dinner with me?"

Hisoka giggled. "Like a date?" he grinned.

"Well, yeah, I guess." Illumi said

Hisoka looked shocked, he was managing to giggle and look shocked at the same time though. Damn him.

"If you don't want to…" Illumi turned to leave

"No, no, I want to. I'm just a little surprised. That's all."

"What's so surprising about one _friend_ asking another_ friend_ out to dinner?" the raven-haired man asked

"Aw, do you really mean that?" Hiso-Hiso mocked

"Ye… yeah." Illumi said, looking down

"Really?"

"Yes."

"REALLY?"

"YES!"

"Really, truly, from the bottom of your heart?"

"YES!!!" Illumi yelled, frustrated

"You sure?"

Illumi sighed. He walked up to Hisoka and pulled his head down. "Yes." He muttered. Before Hisoka was able to respond, the assassin lips were on his. He pulled away.

"You still wanna' go to dinner with me?"

"I'll go get ready."

* * *

Blackwolf: Oh, Flying Spagehtti Monster, that was short, oh well sigh WEEEEE! Please forgive my sucky grammar; I've slept through English class since 4th grade. So, this was just random… actually it was partly inspired by Spirit of Evil's wonderful fic "Thoughts of our lives". Why? 'Cause she's awesome. This was written at (insert wee-hours-of-the-morn here), and I was sick. Please review.

I'll try to write a Halloween fic too, since know ELSE seems TO be doing it.


	5. Illumi's saftey letter

Dear Hisoka,

I know your nights are lonely and your days are dull (get a _**GIRL**_ friend!), but there are things that one should not do no matter how bored they are. Such as you ask?

Well, for starters, getting uselessly drunk and calling _**ME**_, two; killing without getting paid and then leaving a mess, three; stalking my little brother and his green friend, and four; sticking your finger in the electrical outlet.

For my sake, please be nice enough to keep that one ounce of sanity you manage to keep hold on even if you do take some sort of sick pleasure in that tingly feeling you get in your "nether regions". Thing is, it does actually hurt you even if you can't feel it. Your brain will get screwed up even more than it already is (God Forbid!).

So, in closing, please don't kill yourself by jamming your finger in to your electrical outlet, because THIS assassin would feel humiliated if he got one-upped by a freaking wall.

Your's truly,

Illumi Z.

* * *

A/N: O.K. this was actually a science assaignment. We had to write a post card to someone about a "electrical saftery rule". I, of course, did Illumi to Hisoka Sorry so short! I'll try to write something longer once school gets out on the sixth of June. I'll be working long hours in the library and will have PLENTY of spare time when working at the desk on the slower days!!! Thanks for reading and tune in next time! 


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